After the dinner with Scott and his wife, Berkeley told me that “Scott’s wife is so spoiled.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because she likes really nice things.”
One of the things I found is that when a guy was cheap in material ways, he was often cheap in other ways — emotionally, romantically.
Apart from living in fear of losing his job, Berkeley seemed to have trust issues.
if my phone dinged, Berkeley would ask who texted me. When I wore jewelry, he asked who got it for me.
He saw a few photos from my Maldives trip in 2017.
I had told him that I went alone. “If you went alone, who took those pictures?”
*rolls eyes* Really? And I explained the art of politely asking someone to take a photo with your camera.
This was after about two weeks of dating.
The last anecdote from my experiences with Berkeley involves his one-day business trip to Portland.
In the late afternoon I received a series of six photos from him wearing different Rolex watches, followed by a text asking which one I like best.
He didn’t ask how I was doing or what’s new with me.
I didn’t know how to respond. By that point, I knew he wouldn’t buy any of them.
This guy is too cheap.
“Well, do you have similar ones already?”
Because when I’m getting a bag, I try not to get two of the same color. And YES I mentioned that on purpose. Let him know that I like bags, too. Bring it on.
I also asked him if he got me anything.
“I was in such a hurry to catch my flight.”
You were in such a hurry to catch your flight that you had time to try on all those watches, yet you couldn’t grab a magnet? A keychain? A piece of candy?
Thank u, next!
Now, of all the guys I’ve dated, I’ve decided to save the best for last. I say best because he was honestly — of all the awful matches–the least awful. Not anywhere near a good fit, but not as bad as the others. Dodger and I dated for two months. His nickname, Dodger, comes from the fact that we went to a Dodger game for our second date. Dodger was also quite weird about food.
Cases in point:
On our third date we went to one of my fave restaurants – Nobu, for Sunday lunch.
As you may know, Nobu has pretty small dishes. It’s good and bad. Not great that they’re tiny, but good in the sense that you can try a lot of things.
After a few appetizers he asked if I’d like to go for a walk on the beach.
Of course I wanted to–but in the September midday heat with so little food in my stomach I’d probably faint.
“Oh…sure! But aren’t we going to order black cod? maybe some shrimp?”
“Oh okay! Yeah for sure.”
He seemed surprised that I wanted more food.
All that aside, I didn’t really feel much of a connection after that date. I did get to meet his dog–super cute–but there wasn’t really a spark.
I told some friends the next day. They said to keep seeing him, because maybe something could develop.
I agreed–thinking maybe I just wasn’t fully over my ex.
About a month later, we went to see his siblings and their kids in Long Beach.
In hindsight, I think it’s weird that I would meet someone’s family so soon. Then again, I felt that his siblings were very cool and normal–probably more so than him.
The drive to Long Beach is pretty long when it’s Friday rush hour. We stopped at a Starbucks when we were almost there.
He asked what I would like.
“Green tea frappuccino please,” I replied as I bent down to play with Dodger’s dog.
The barista asked what size I’d like.
“Tall,” Dodger answered for me.
The barista asked if i want whipped cream.
“Yes please!,” I answered, before Dodger could say anything.
He looked at me, surprised that I wanted whipped cream.
A similar situation happened at Duke’s Malibu a week or so later. We ordered two appetizers and he was surprised that I was still hungry.
The last meal we had was at Hillstone in Santa Monica, and the SAME thing happened. We ordered a sushi roll and a salad. I figured we were going to order entrees or at least dessert. But it was time to go see the movie, so we left. No entree, no dessert 🙁
Honestly, I don’t get it! Did he think that I’m on some diet or something? I mean, he could have just asked if I wanted more food and I would have said YES.
Despite all the weird situations with food, we dated for about two months.
The food thing wasn’t the reason we “broke up” — well, I never thought we were together. There was never a conversation. He never said anything flattering to me, or complimented me (that I can honestly remember). He wasn’t really charming or flirty…it was kind of like, we talked in person but I rarely heard from him via text. Maybe once a day. Sometimes twice. Well, I’m a millennial and communication is kind of important.
After two months of dating, I texted him one evening–on a day I hadn’t heard much at all–and told him that the communication really wasn’t at the level I preferred.
“I have a large company. Given I’m the sole owner, clearly I’m not the right guy for you.”
It was probably the best way out I could have imagined.
“Thank you, all the best!”
After my experiences with dating apps I’m very happy to be off of them. What a strange emotional roller coaster.
No, I wouldn’t try them again. I feel that the people I dated from the apps were guys who–in real life–wouldn’t have been able to approach me and ask me out.
Dating apps, by their inherent nature, overlook some of the qualities that I look for in a guy–like comfort with some level of vulnerability (facing the risk of rejection), and confidence (someone who can approach me and ask me out in person).
In the aftermath of all this, I read part of an article from a psychology journal about online dating.